Happy Almost Independence Day, humans! How are you doing today? Thanks to Mariposa and my recent giveaway, we lured in several new
victims followers, and I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce myself and get to know you better.
I’m Aberdeen; some people call me Abs and some Berdie, but most call me dumb. I’m an Authorosaurus, which means I eat books and assist helpless writers for a living. Currently, I work for Mariposa Aristeo because I don’t like her and I enjoy ranting about her poor writing habits. If you want to know more about me or Mariposa, you can check out our bios or stalk us on Instagram. If you aren’t a snoop, then sit back while I tell you about us anyway.
At the beginning of each month, I’ll post about all the happenings in Mariposa’s office (like today), while the rest of the month is filled with more interesting things like my advice. Mariposa intrudes once a month to post some article about storytelling, but you needn’t read it because I didn’t write it.
But that’s enough about Mariposa. Let’s talk about you. Feel free to introduce yourself in the comments and tell me about your WIP, hobbies, and favorite books! I’d love to get to know you so we can become best buddies and you’ll let me eat your books.
Now, on to all that’s been happening here in the office since May…
A Crazy Month for Me
As many of you know, June was my blogiversary! For thirty days, Mariposa and I hosted a party. We had the time of our lives, but we’re glad it’s over. I mean, have you ever hosted a party for thirty consecutive days? It’s exhausting, let me tell you. Throwing confetti all the time gets tiring on these short arms of mine! Not to mention, I had to do all the talking because Mariposa was plain unsociable and hibernated in her office most of the time. All you humans are amazing and everything, and I’m glad you came, but I’m an introverted dino and this is my house, so get out!
Okay, you can come back now—I’ve had my moment of peace. Anyone want some stale book cake? I made so much that I’ll have enough to last me until extinction.
By the way, who was the wise guy who left their iPhone on my couch playing the Barney theme song? Really, I have better things to do than try to kill a phone. Please tell the owner to pick up their phone immediately before I go insane.
A Crazy Month for Mariposa
Between helping me set up the party, Mariposa barely had enough time to catch her breath since the last time I wrote about her because…
1. Her children’s book launched on June 10th. Besides reordering copies because I ate hers, she had to tell me to stop eating them and beat my head until I vomited the last one up. She also did some less important stuff like promoting the book, making promotional graphics, writing promotional emails, and other things authors hate to do but do anyway because they want to be richer than a beggar.
2. It’s summer, and summer means everything unnecessary like work goes out the window. After all, why do all those things when there’s ice cream to eat, sunshine to enjoy, and dinosaurs to dislike?
3. Her laziness (increased due to the enjoyment of summer). If she’d do more things, she wouldn’t have so many things to do.
Despite all the promotions, summer, and laziness, Mariposa is still working on her short story project, and with my help she made time to write six short stories this month! Too bad she didn’t actually have time to write good short stories…
A Crazy Month Coming
Mariposa and I have made some more crazy plans for this month. Today we are forming some ideas to ignite tomorrow, filling water balloons and guns (I tried to convince her to fill them with ink like we did last year, but she said that created too much of a mess*), and gathering the best patriotic literature to devour. After the hullabaloo of the Fourth is over, I hope to eat as much paper ice cream as I can without getting sick.
Let’s roar! How have you been, my dino-mites? Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Also, one question for all my faithful followers: last month I did a special Mariposa’s office post where I told the story of how we met. Would you rather my monthly updates be told in story format like that, or in my usual matter-of-fact reports like this post?
*I’m gonna try to sneak some ink in them anyway.