Every writer needs an assistant. Someone to encourage them, inspire them, and beat them over the head when they decide to watch YouTube videos instead of writing. This is why I’m here (mostly to beat my boss lady over the head, that is). I don’t know what Mariposa would do without me, honestly. I don’t know how all you other writers who don’t have dinosaur assistants can even survive. Who sharpens your pencils for you? Who supplies you with ideas? And most importantly, who annoys you to death when you’re trying to write?
But I’ve come up with a solution to your problem. As an honorary member of the author assistant society, I have contacts who can pair you up with the perfect imaginary assistant and send him/her your way!* However, before hire your assistant, please follow these safety precautions:
1. Thank the person who tagged you and link back to their blog (assistants won’t work for ungrateful bosses).
2. Link back to the creator of the tag (yours truly).
3. Tag 5-10 bloggers who need assistants (and if they don’t need them, tag them anyway).
Please answer the following questions so the author assistant agency can find the right assistant for you:
1. What type of creature/species would you like your assistant to be (human, animal, dragon, dinosaur, figment of your imagination, etc.) and why?
2. What do you want your assistant to look like?
3. What qualities are you looking for in an assistant (responsible, lovable, exasperating, etc.)?
4. What job(s) would your assistant be in charge of?
5. What would you like your assistant to be named?
6. What would you feed your assistant (candy, books, pickles, etc)?
7. How would you pay your assistant and what benefits would you offer as compensation for their work?
8. What special abilities would you like your assistant to have (i.e. ice powers to freeze writer’s block, super strength to break writer’s block, or super stupidity to stare at you while you’re having writer’s block)?
9. Where would you like your assistant to be from (Jurassic Park, Narnia, your head)?
10. Will you solemnly swear to you will not fire your assistant in either sickness or in health, for richer for poorer, smarter or stupider, writing or not writing, for as long as you both shall live?
Tagging some great bloggers who will be even greater once they hire an assistant:
Chalice (in your case, an artist assistant if you prefer)
…And anyone else who wants an assistant.
Once you have posted this tag on your blog and answered all the questions, I shall contact the writer assistant agency and your helper shall be on its way!**
*Unlike your assistants, Mariposa’s assistant is not imaginary…and if you think I am, I am not liable for any books that may disappear from your shelves as a result.
**Your assistant can be expected to arrive sometime between now and never.
THIS — YES — ALL OF THIS XD
(I needs to do it.)
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And PS. I’ve got a pack of wolves.
No…They don’t help me actually write…or…do anything really. But when I have enemies they search them out and slobber their favorite pair of socks so *nods curtly* they’re very useful assistants indeed.
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Oooh, wolf assistants, huh? 😃 I’ve met some of those at the assistant agency. Maybe I could find you one that will help you write as well as slobber on your enemy’s socks. 😉
What are the names of your wolf assistants?
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It is my firm belief that all human writers need personal assistants, don’t you? 😉
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AH this is cool! Thanks for tagging me; it’s gonna be so much fun. 😁
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Of course, dinosaurs always create cool tags. 😎🦖
You’re welcome! I can’t wait to find the perfect assistant for you and send him/her your way! 🙂😉
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AH. THIS IS SO COOL. This is the tag I have needed since forever. 😍 Thank you for tagging me! It means a bunch!! I love it and definitely want to do it. 😀😀❤️
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I knew all you humans had to be desperate for assistants, so I figured I ought to do something about it. 😁
You’re welcome, Penny! *promptly calls the agency and tells them to have an assistant ready for you*
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Thanks for tagging me Aberdeen!! I can’t wait to decide on my assistant, because I’ve been wanting one. I just didn’t know how to go about it hiring one. Thanks for making it easy 👍😆.
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You’re welcome, Eliza! I can’t wait to connect you with the perfect assistant!
I always make things easy for people (except Mariposa, of course). 😉
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Okay. . . THIS IS BRILLIANT. Every creative worker needs their own “Aberdeen”.
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*Bows* Thank you! 🙂
I know! I’ve been telling Mariposa that for years. 😁😜
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*gasps*
This is amazing.
And I got tagged! 😮 😮 😮
Thanks Aberdeen! Your offer is so generous, and I’m sure your judgement is amazing and your expertise very advanced in this area! 😀
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You’re welcome! 🙂
Yes, indeed! As an award-winning author assistant, I have invaluable insight for finding the right assistant for your human needs. 😁
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Wow, this might be exactly what I need! 😀 Thank you for the tag, Aberdeen!
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You’re welcome, Chalice! Dinosaurs always know what you humans need. 😉🦖
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Ack! I was tagged a week ago and didn’t even know until I *coughs* actually went through my emails. 😂 I am looking forward to filling this out and getting your input, Aberdeen. 😉
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Apparently you do need an assistant—someone to manage you emails and inform you of everything that is unimportantly important. *calls the agency immediately because this is an emergency case*
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*blinks*
So apparently, this happened. And apparently, I was in some other dimension and never realized this happened.
Do you hear that noise? Yeah, that’s the sound of stricken keening.
…Aberdeen, you’re right. I think I need an assistant to organize my life and beat me over the head with a book when I miss stuff like this. 😜
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I am always right (despite what Mari thinks). 🦖😛 You without a doubt need an assistant and I recommend you put in an application for one right away. 😜
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