Every writer needs an assistant. Someone to encourage them, inspire them, and beat them over the head when they decide to watch YouTube videos instead of writing. This is why I’m here (mostly to beat my boss lady over the head, that is). I don’t know what Mariposa would do without me, honestly. I don’t know how all you other writers who don’t have dinosaur assistants can even survive. Who sharpens your pencils for you? Who supplies you with ideas? And most importantly, who annoys you to death when you’re trying to write?
But I’ve come up with a solution to your problem. As an honorary member of the author assistant society, I have contacts who can pair you up with the perfect imaginary assistant and send him/her your way!* However, before hire your assistant, please follow these safety precautions:
1. Thank the person who tagged you and link back to their blog (assistants won’t work for ungrateful bosses).
2. Link back to the creator of the tag (yours truly).
3. Tag 5-10 bloggers who need assistants (and if they don’t need them, tag them anyway).
Please answer the following questions so the author assistant agency can find the right assistant for you:
1. What type of creature/species would you like your assistant to be (human, animal, dragon, dinosaur, figment of your imagination, etc.) and why?
2. What do you want your assistant to look like?
3. What qualities are you looking for in an assistant (responsible, lovable, exasperating, etc.)?
4. What job(s) would your assistant be in charge of?
5. What would you like your assistant to be named?
6. What would you feed your assistant (candy, books, pickles, etc)?
7. How would you pay your assistant and what benefits would you offer as compensation for their work?
8. What special abilities would you like your assistant to have (i.e. ice powers to freeze writer’s block, super strength to break writer’s block, or super stupidity to stare at you while you’re having writer’s block)?
9. Where would you like your assistant to be from (Jurassic Park, Narnia, your head)?
10. Will you solemnly swear to you will not fire your assistant in either sickness or in health, for richer for poorer, smarter or stupider, writing or not writing, for as long as you both shall live?
Tagging some great bloggers who will be even greater once they hire an assistant:
Chalice (in your case, an artist assistant if you prefer)
…And anyone else who wants an assistant.
Once you have posted this tag on your blog and answered all the questions, I shall contact the writer assistant agency and your helper shall be on its way!**
*Unlike your assistants, Mariposa’s assistant is not imaginary…and if you think I am, I am not liable for any books that may disappear from your shelves as a result.
**Your assistant can be expected to arrive sometime between now and never.