How do you like the new and not-improved Dino’s Digest? I have made a list of necessary and unnecessary improvements and enhancements, including:
- An insider’s look into my boss’s life. In the recent survey results, you all expressed an interest in seeing more of Mariposa. I wish you hadn’t, because she got her own WordPress account and will now be personally responding to comments (sometimes), guest posting on my digsite, and forcibly going into my posts and editing out all the embarrassing things I’ve mentioned about her (you’ll note that she’s also given herself a bio in the sidebar—you know, because she thinks this blog is all about her—a lot she knows). She’ll also be making appearances in my comics.
- A distortment of my appearance. I am pleased that Mariposa has decided to draw me in color rather than in black and white, but I sorely object to my new “makeover.” She told me, “But you look so adorable!” That’s precisely my point. I am not adorable. I am a ferocious dinosaur. I am terrifying. I am…not convincing you.
- A new site page! A Dino Dictionary for explaining dinosaur terms to confused minds. I’ve also revamped my welcome page and my bio page to ward off newcomers.
- An article series on Storytelling According to Pixar. I shall also be providing you with more writing tips, book reviews, and nonsense.
Now that you and my new digsite are properly introduced, I shall proceed on to the report of less important things my boss lady has been doing, plus the important things she hasn’t been doing.
Good Days in the Office
Besides the exciting news of my new digsite design, I also have some even more thrilling news: I finished rewriting my boss’s book for her!
Okay, she may have done a little bit of the work, like rewriting the whole thing, but I did all the important stuff like motivating her to edit it. As you know, she’s been rewriting this time travel book for a while now, and basically the story has gone from 20,000 words to 24,000 to 25,000 to 30,000 to 30,001 to THIS IS HORRIBLE DELETE ALL THE WORDS!
Thankfully, my quick thinking kept her from deleting all the words, and after some heart-to-heart glaring, I persuaded her to eradicate only the unnecessary words (about four thousand). Now, after much rewriting, editing, cutting, adding, rearranging, and pulling her hair out (FYI, she is not bald…yet), the book is done—and for the first time, she thinks the story feels right. Or it does for now, until she begins doubting herself again, in which case I’ll have to give her a Kleenex and some germ gel (because self-doubt is contagious).
Prior to the hullabaloo of finishing the first book in her time travel series, an amazing opportunity knocked on her smart device (because opportunity never knocks on doors anymore—too old fashioned, you know). I was stomping around, not minding my own business, when my boss lady starts (almost) crying.
“Why are you crying?” I asked, fretting that I had sat on her too hard that day.
“I’m not crying…I’m disinfecting my eyes,” she lied, snorting into a tissue, then she proceeded to inform me that she had a chance to make fan art for authors—maybe even ones like Nadine Brandes!
Now it was my turn to disinfect my eyes. The author who contacted her to illustrate a book had opened a business called Literary Treasures*—a company that makes bookish swag for authors. She wanted Mariposa to become a part of her team and create art for authors’ books. Did she say yes? No, unfortunately she did not. She said absolutely! She also said I absolutely could not devour all the little bookish trinkets.
We’ll see about that.
Bad Stupid Days in the Office
My boss planned to finish rewriting the second book in her time travel series by March 1st. And, for a while, everything went on schedule. But then it hit: a terminal case of writer’s block.
I tromped into her office at the usual 10:00 a.m., and after hanging up my scarf, I found her staring at the screen, blinking and mumbling, “Why?” Her expression seemed to be asking: Why am I writing this story? Why must this scene happen? Why is spellcheck underlining correctly spelled words?
Since she wasn’t writing, I was compelled to sit on her, but you know what she did? She giggled and said, “That feels good.”
Now I knew I had a critical case on my hands. Her main problem was that she spent the whole night overthinking, but a few contributing factors were: 1) she was an idiot when she wrote that book, 2) she felt like an idiot rewriting the book, and 3) she had an idiot for an assistant.
Nevertheless, she kept writing, which ended up being more of not writing. She attempted sketching some art instead and drew a lot of nothing. She tried writing an article. Same problem. She just sat on the floor looking like this:
I attempted consoling her, telling her that even geniuses are stupid. But she stopped speaking to me for a while after I said that. Then, for the first time in my life, I gave her bad advice that really wasn’t so bad. I sat on her to force her to stop writing. Her novel’s theme had been “Some things are more important than dreams,” and I bid her to start taking her own book’s advice and focus on the more important things in life like faith, family, and dessert.
I know—I failed at my job description, because I’m supposed to make her write. My boss may be further away from being a bestselling author. I may be further away from being an assistant to a bestselling author. We may be closer to the poorhouse. You might even be able to call us mutual failures. But I bet you won’t find any happier failures than us. And if being a failure means we can step outside the office, soak up the sun, read a book, or embark on everyday adventures (Danielle Droubay has a T. Rexiffic post on this)—then I’d say we’re being the most successful failures that ever lived.
With that being said, she intends to start a new project this month and write as her heart (and as her head) tells her, with advice from me, of course. And I intend to tell you about that new project next month and give you some exclusive, inside tidbits. And if all doesn’t go well, we both intend to pretend we did not intend to do anything.
*If you want to know more about Literary Treasures, please visit their Instagram page. If you don’t wish to know more about Literary Treasures, please ignore the above link and me glaring at you.