You guys are the most unhelpful people I have ever met—wait, that’s technically not true since I haven’t met you. Well, then you are the most unhelpful people I have ever heard of. Wait, that’s not true either since some of you I haven’t even heard of.
Alrighty, to be fair, I’ll just say you are the most unhelpful people. Last month, I was stricken with nothing to do and apparently you didn’t think I had enough of nothing to do because you said nothing, wrote nothing, and any suggestions you offered were invisible.
I guess I just gotta say I’m very disappointed in y’all. My only consolation is that I have one helpful reader—she suggested I read Trim Healthy Dino, which was very helpful—for a day—then I went back to being a Fat Unhealthy Dino.
I suppose I can’t give y’all too hard a time since I’m more disappointed in myself than you. All I did last month was eat books and gain weight and now I can’t go on a diet because it’s NANOWRIMO (that’s when writers write like crazy and I eat their books like crazy). And of course, after that comes Christmas and I can’t go on diet at the holidays because I’d miss out on all those sentence cookies and writerbread.
Maybe since I’ll also be writing like crazy, my active fingers will keep me in shape, right?
Leastways, I did spend last week preparing for NaNoWriMo rather than devouring books, so I may have lost a few ounces. Authorosauruses have a lot more to do to prepare than you humans do—first, I have to put my keyboard through a claw proof test to handle all the upcoming pounding. Secondly, I have to reinforce all the bolts in my chairs so they don’t collapse while I’m writing. Thirdly, I have to collect a bunch of good writing craft books to snack on while I’m typing.
But what does NaNo look like for Mariposa? A giant blank page because she’s STILL not writing. She won’t be doing NaNoWriMo this year, next year, the year after that, or the year after the year after that. She never does NaNoWriMo. Instead, she does NoNaChriCaMaMo (try saying that ten times fast), which stands for Not-National-Christmas-Card-Making-Month, which means she’ll be making cards like crazy, trying to finish 10+ hand-drawn cards before Thanksgiving.
I told her she shouldn’t be an artist if it interferes with NaNo. She told me I shouldn’t be her assistant if I give her rotten advice like that.
I told her she needs to take a break from drawing for the sake of her hands. Last month she completed her illustration job, sketching 15 drawings in little over a month, and is well on her way to crippled fingers. In addition to all that drawing, her to-do list has grown at an alarming rate over the past thirty days. Seems like for every thing she checks off, another time tasks are added.
She was supposed to write an article on fan art.
She was supposed to rewrite the first chapter of her book.
She was supposed to catch up on her favorite blogs.
She wasn’t supposed lock herself in her room and hide from society (which she can never do with me around because I’ll just break down her door).
She’s promised me she’ll get back to her normal social anti-social self by mid-December, but we’ll see. Every time she says that, something abnormal happens to keep her from her normal everyday life. Before long the abnormal will become normal and she will have to promise to get back to abnormal.
Are you doing NaNo this year? What do you do to prepare? Do you participate in NoNaChriCaMaMo?
Note from the Authorosaurus: Due to hazardous schedules and preoccupied brain cells, you may see an unduly amount of typos, broken grammar, and unnecessary stupidity in this and upcoming blogposts. I am not liable for anything I thought I wrote when I really meant to write something else. Thank you for your deciphering skills.