Writing isn’t hard. Pounding out five words per second isn’t hard. Deliberating about plots for endless hours isn’t hard.
It’s BACKBREAKING (or more accurately, brainbreaking)!
And my characters think I’m tough on them. But I’m not half so hard on them as they are on me.
Needless to say, I’m utterly disgusted by my chosen profession right now. Here are 12 reasons why:
1. It forces me to come up with reasons for everything my characters do. Like they eat because they’re hungry, they steal because they’re poor, and they sneeze because of an inward diabolical hostility towards pollen.
2. It deludes me into thinking my work is garbage only to have my friends insist it’s not garbage. Then they delude me into thinking it’s brilliant only to have an editor tell me it’s garbage.
3. It makes me stare at a blank screen with a blank mind with a blank look.
4. It has me research unusual facts and scroll through fifty million Google results that result in no results for me.
5. It coaxes me into sending my stories to agents with high hopes that turn into low hopes.
6. It hands me a bunch of writing craft books to help me figure out what to do that tell me so many things not to do that I forget what I was doing in the first place.
7. It tempts me into murdering my favorite characters (and makes me enjoy it too).
8. It pumps up my excitement for a new book idea then deflates my exuberance the second I sit down to write the book.
9. It gives people the impression that I’m crazy and belong in an asylum.
10. It supplies me with brilliant ideas for the stories I’m not writing while providing lousy ones for the one I’m writing.
11. It makes me type thirty-seven words then hit the backspace key thirty-seven times.
12. It prevents me from writing, reading, earning a living, eating, drinking, sleeping, and being a generally agreeable dinosaur.
What are some reasons you hate writing?