For you people who are unfamiliar with dinosaur lingo, a digsite is a website. We in createtus period don’t have spiders. Or webs. Or mice. Which is why we call the computer mouse a claw. We have meteor showers instead of thunderstorms, President Troodon instead of Trump, and for breakfast we eat Rex Krispies. But that’s enough about cultural differences.
Some of you may remember me as Mariposa’s assistant. I’m still her assistant (even though she doesn’t always let me assist) and I want you to know first and foremost that I did not want to start this blog. She forced me into it. Practically at gunpoint.
Or at least at handpoint. Hands can be very threatening when they’re pointing. She said she didn’t have time to blog anymore, and I figured someone oughta keep you updated with her writing progress (and mine; let’s not forget about mine).
I haven’t even written more than two hundred words and I’m already loving this wide world of blogging. In fact, I love it so much that I may give up eating books.
Anyway, it’s the perfect time to celebrate, because a few days ago was my one-year anniversary as Mariposa’s assistant. So you might call this a double celebration, which calls for double the amount of paper-flavored ice cream, right?
Don’t worry, I brought some chocolate and vanilla for you humans.
It seems to be the customary thing amongst you human bloggers to start off spouting the whys and hows the blog came to be (which I already did) and what it will be (which I intend to do). So, my future plans for this blog are…
To tell you the truth, I honestly don’t know. I know I plan to post everything on Wednesdays. And if I don’t post everything, then I’ll at least post something, and if I don’t post something, then I’ll post nothing. But if I do post nothing, I’ll try to make it a helpful nothing, like “The 5 Ways to Prevent Choking Yourself on a Book.”
But whatever I post, it’ll be about writing, and if it’s not about writing, then it’ll be about eating someone’s else’s writing (I think you humans call them book reviews). I’ll try to make my points make sense, but since I’m new to this blogging thing, please forgive my frequent nonsense. My boss lady says she’ll step in once in a while to contribute some writerly wisdom to my writerly stupidity, so at least not all the advice you read here will be rotten. In the meantime, you can laugh at my misadventures in writing or my skirmishes in the boss’s office.
Okay, now that that’s unsettled, I’ll proceed to the next customary human thing of stating some random facts about myself.
1. I’m an INFJ. I scored 67 percent interesting, 100 percent nut, 51 percent freak, and 72 percent joking.
2. My favorite authors are Dr. Saurus, Mark Tyran (short for Tyrannosaurus), and Sigmund Brontor (short for brontosaurus).
3. I’m always watching the not-so-latest episode of The Dick Van Dino Show. It’s old, not prehistoric old, but old enough most of you probably haven’t heard of it. You should check it out. The humor is T. Rexific and y’all can easily identify with the MC because he’s a writer. Here’s a picture of its cast:
4. I’m currently fourteen feet tall, thirty-five feet long, and weigh four tons, but that can change rapidly depending on how many books I eat. My doctor says I need to go on a diet, but I just need one last delicious book.
5. My other hobbies besides writing and eating include but are not limited to: thinking about writing, sitting on people, thinking about eating writing, stomping, staring at a blank screen hoping to write and wanting to impale my blank head, planting ideas in my garden, sharpening pencils with my teeth, and trying to find out what my boss lady is plotting.
6. My favorite word is Aberration. Why? Because the first four letters bear a resemblance to my name.
7. I live in Alabookma, USA (United States of Authorosauruses), and if you don’t live there, I pity you.
8. I have not and will not evolve into a chicken.
That’s all the randomness I can randomly dig up today, but I promise I’ll deposit some more next week. For now, I’ll give you some celebratory book cake to tide you over until then.